Few things in life are as misunderstood as BDSM. The
sex practice is often accused of being physically or mentally harmful, or
abnormally kinky. But it's important for beginners to understand that it’s
actually none of those things.
BDSM stands for the three basic terms used to refer to
this kind of sexuality, which is bondage and discipline, dominance and
submission, and sadomasochism.
Bondage and discipline
The BD in BDSM stands for bondage and discipline.
Bondage is a form of sex play that focuses on restraint. Having another person
control your pleasure is central here, and it can involve props such as
handcuffs, ropes, blindfolds, or a range of restraints.
Discipline is the practice of training a “submissive”
to obey, follow rules, or perform certain acts. Discipline is almost always
present in the relationship between a dominant partner and a submissive one.
Dominance and submission
The DS in BDSM encompasses dominance and submission.
This describes the practice of giving power or control (submission) to another
who then takes it (dominance).
Dominance and submission can be emotional, physical,
or both, and the dynamic can be played out in sexual acts or through acts of
being in control/acts of service. For some, the roles are full-time (including
outside the bedroom), while for others, the roles are only taken on at
predetermined erotic times.
Sadism and masochism
SM stands for sadism and masochism, or sadomasochism.
The acts of sadomasochism are performed by people who derive pleasure from
pain. The sadist enjoys inflicting pain on someone else, while the masochist
enjoys receiving pain.
P.S. Your BDSM play doesn’t have to involve all three
categories, or even both roles within a category.
If you want to experiment with BDSM for the first time but are unsure where to start, here are a few tips to make sure your experiences are safe, consensual, and fun:
1.Set ground rules with your partner
To engage in healthy BDSM play, you and your partner
should both agree on what you’re comfortable with before you begin—nobody
should feel pressured into a particular role or feel as if they don’t have a
choice. Have an open and honest dialogue with your partner about the roles
you’re each drawn toward so that you both feel comfortable and confident
experimenting.
2.Select a safe word
Every BDSM practitioner should establish at least one
safe word with their partner something either person can say to signal that a
boundary has been crossed and a break is necessary.
3.Start with a fantasy
A lot of couples make the same mistake: They go to a
sex shop, grab a few toys, and then come back and tell him that BDSM just isn’t
for them. Instead, it’s better to start with figuring out what’s hot and sexy
for you. Don’t be afraid to start with your own imagination and what turns you
on.
4.Pick a setting
That might be a hotel on your next vacation (where it
might be easier to tap into a different persona), a room reserved for
power-play sex, or just your boring old bedroom. As long as it's a place you
feel safe, you're good to go.
5.Go shopping
BDSM is exciting in its own right, but bringing in
toys and props can take the fun up a notch. Head to miloxshop with your
partner and let your imagination run wild. You might load up on restraints,
chain nipple clamps, vibrators, paddles, anal beads, and/or lube to help you
better lean into your agreed-upon roles.
6.Dress up
The same way props and toys can bring out your
dominant side or the masochist in you, dressing the part can be just as helpful
in setting the scene. For example, if you're the submissive during the
experience, you might try a choker, or a cat mask and tail to represent your
willingness to obey your "owner" during the session.
7.Aftercare is key
Many sexual activities and BDSM sessions in
particular can be physically or emotionally intense for both participants, so
partners must engage in healthy aftercare following the sexual experience.
Discussion, cuddling, and cleaning up together are great ways to help everyone
wind down and process the session, fostering a sense of calm, physical
wellness, and emotional well-being.
Leave a Comment