Few things in life are as misunderstood as BDSM. The sex practice is often accused of being physically or mentally harmful, or abnormally kinky. But it's important for beginners to understand that it’s actually none of those things.

BDSM stands for the three basic terms used to refer to this kind of sexuality, which is bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadomasochism.

Bondage and discipline

The BD in BDSM stands for bondage and discipline. Bondage is a form of sex play that focuses on restraint. Having another person control your pleasure is central here, and it can involve props such as handcuffs, ropes, blindfolds, or a range of restraints.

Discipline is the practice of training a “submissive” to obey, follow rules, or perform certain acts. Discipline is almost always present in the relationship between a dominant partner and a submissive one.

Dominance and submission

The DS in BDSM encompasses dominance and submission. This describes the practice of giving power or control (submission) to another who then takes it (dominance).

Dominance and submission can be emotional, physical, or both, and the dynamic can be played out in sexual acts or through acts of being in control/acts of service. For some, the roles are full-time (including outside the bedroom), while for others, the roles are only taken on at predetermined erotic times.

 Sadism and masochism

SM stands for sadism and masochism, or sadomasochism. The acts of sadomasochism are performed by people who derive pleasure from pain. The sadist enjoys inflicting pain on someone else, while the masochist enjoys receiving pain.

P.S. Your BDSM play doesn’t have to involve all three categories, or even both roles within a category.

If you want to experiment with BDSM for the first time but are unsure where to start, here are a few tips to make sure your experiences are safe, consensual, and fun:

1.Set ground rules with your partner

To engage in healthy BDSM play, you and your partner should both agree on what you’re comfortable with before you begin—nobody should feel pressured into a particular role or feel as if they don’t have a choice. Have an open and honest dialogue with your partner about the roles you’re each drawn toward so that you both feel comfortable and confident experimenting.

2.Select a safe word

Every BDSM practitioner should establish at least one safe word with their partner something either person can say to signal that a boundary has been crossed and a break is necessary.

3.Start with a fantasy

A lot of couples make the same mistake: They go to a sex shop, grab a few toys, and then come back and tell him that BDSM just isn’t for them. Instead, it’s better to start with figuring out what’s hot and sexy for you. Don’t be afraid to start with your own imagination and what turns you on.

4.Pick a setting

That might be a hotel on your next vacation (where it might be easier to tap into a different persona), a room reserved for power-play sex, or just your boring old bedroom. As long as it's a place you feel safe, you're good to go.

5.Go shopping

BDSM is exciting in its own right, but bringing in toys and props can take the fun up a notch. Head to miloxshop with your partner and let your imagination run wild. You might load up on restraints, chain nipple clamps, vibrators, paddles, anal beads, and/or lube to help you better lean into your agreed-upon roles.

6.Dress up

The same way props and toys can bring out your dominant side or the masochist in you, dressing the part can be just as helpful in setting the scene. For example, if you're the submissive during the experience, you might try a choker, or a cat mask and tail  to represent your willingness to obey your "owner" during the session.

7.Aftercare is key

Many sexual activities and BDSM sessions in particular can be physically or emotionally intense for both participants, so partners must engage in healthy aftercare following the sexual experience. Discussion, cuddling, and cleaning up together are great ways to help everyone wind down and process the session, fostering a sense of calm, physical wellness, and emotional well-being.